What I Learned from a Thanatologist: Embracing Death, Horror, and Our Shadows
We should all have a death counsellor to help us understand ourselves
A Personal Encounter with Death Counseling
A few months ago, an article caught my eye, an increasingly rare occurrence in the vast sea of online content. It was Margaret Bell's insightful piece, Navigating Your Nervous System Through Horror Movies. Margaret, a thanatologist, counsellor, and horror enthusiast, highlighted how horror media can help us process trauma. Her article resonated deeply with me, sparking an unexpected journey into understanding death, life, and the therapeutic power of horror.
My Journey with Death and Why We All Need a Death Counselor
Like many, my relationship with death has been complex. I've always been curious about it, yet distanced, until I experienced it closely through my own losses and a few years later due to the sudden health crisis of my husband. A deep discomfort lurked in my heart whenever I considered mortality, particularly my own or that of loved ones.
Meeting Margaret has recently become a turning point for me. As we discuss when we meet, it is very important to think about our life’s end, stages and how to make peace with them. I’ve come to realise that death isn’t just an end: it’s a transition. This mindset shift, fostered by someone knowledgeable and compassionate, is bringing me unexpected peace.
Death Counseling: What I Learned About Legacy and Loss
In my conversations with Margaret, I have begun to appreciate the role of a thanatologist. From legacy to emotional preparation, she guides me through understanding not just the practical aspects of death but the emotional and spiritual layers.
We discuss, for instance, how planning for death—choosing burial clothes, imagining what we’d leave behind—can create a sense of closure. This has been profoundly helpful when, a few days ago, I decided to speak to my mother about her death, what she would like me to do and how she would like to be remembered. Instead of sadness, the conversation gave us both comfort and clarity.
Exploring the Therapeutic Power of Horror
One unique aspect of Margaret’s work is her use of horror as a therapeutic tool. Horror allows her to explore her clients’ human fears in a controlled way, helping them confront and process intense emotions.
Initially, this may seem counterintuitive. Horror is meant to scare us, right? Yet, many studies—and my conversations with Margaret—show that experiencing fear safely can help us feel empowered in real life. This is particularly true when dealing with the ultimate fear: death itself.
Shifts in Perspective: How Facing Death Creates Inner Peace
My talks with Margaret are also a form of "Shadow Work," a concept Carl Jung developed during his lifetime. Shadow Work involves confronting hidden fears, illuminating parts of us we have repressed for societal pressure or our personal values, and integrating them into our consciousness. This journey of deep introspection can help you perceive life’s finite nature from a more balanced and healthy way, a perspective I wish I had come across earlier.
What’s Next: Continuing Conversations on Death, Grief, and Beyond
Margaret and I plan to dive even deeper. Our next podcast will explore “the little deaths” that come with seasonal endings and transition to the next celebration. Think post-Halloween blues or the sombre feeling after a festive season ends. These "small losses" mirror larger ones, reminding us to slow down, acknowledge our feelings, and honour life’s natural cycles, and all these are what Margaret and I find great joy in analysing and finding all the connections and little synchronicities.
Connect With Us: Exploring Gothic Themes and Life’s Cycles
If you’re drawn to the Gothic, curious about life’s cycles, or fascinated by horror, consider joining us. You can start by leaving a comment in our YouTube video so we can explore these themes together and also create new content that resonates with you.
Our journey has just begun, and I’m excited to see where it leads.
Thanks for reading,
Alicia
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